tomorrow turned out to be kind of a shitty day

have you ever thought that things just couldn't get any worse? i have and did tonight, today, yesterday, but alas they have gotten worse. each moment really. 

let's recap my day. leave hilo in the pouring rain (all my luggage is wet) and sit next to a crazy hawaiian lady on the way to honolulu who only talked about how her family came from warriors and she would sometimes even stand over her husband at night and stare at him when finally he would wake up and ask her what the hell she was doing and she would just say, "i'm just thinking about how mad i am at you right now". yep, crazy lady. 

then i get to honolulu with all my a million bags and try to get up to departures through these small elevators with my longboard. not very fun or easy. finally i get to air pacific check-in and they tell me that they "took the liberty" of booking me on a honolulu to sydney flight on hawaiian airlines, and then a domestic flight on qantas from syd to brisbane. great, i think to myself, not at least i won't get stuck in christmas island or fiji and i WILL meet jeni and hannah at the airport in brisbane on time. so i get everything checked in (my millions of bags and surfboard that they charge me a total 160 bucks for), and i board the plane ready to just get to australia. 

little did i know the fun was just beginning. after 10 long hours of flying (but i almost finished the book bess), we landed, safely-esque and i noticed rain. lightning. etc. so of course sydney has this law that if lightning strikes 5 km near the airport they can't move the planes. so we sat in the plane, in the lightning for over an hour. by this time i knew i was missing my connecting flight, but i wasn't too worried, i just figured i would get in a little late to brisbane. i go through customs, collect all my bags and meander over to oversize baggage and wait for my boards to come out. which they never do. i waited for a long time, hours it seemed, and nothing. i file my complaint/missing baggage form and finally, finally am getting out of customs and about to hurry over to domestic qantas area and get on the next flight to brisbane. 

so i rush over there and they are closed. literally i can't even get in to talk to someone. i take the elevator up to international airlines to talk to someone from hawaiian and no one is there. apparently sydney sucks and they also have a law that makes them have some curfew at 10 the airport closes. wtf. really. so i start to cry. i'm tired. dirty. emotional. knowing that i can't get ahold of jeni i call hannah's mobile and tell her the good news. i email jeni, no response. for all i know jeni is still a this moment waiting for me at the brisbane airport. horrible. 

i gave in and got a hotel room at this dodgy place near the airport for 147 a night. ridiculous. and i don't even know if i'll get reimbursed for it. oh and i had to buy some 5 buck cable for internet and then purchase internet on top of that. so lame. needless to say, i am stuck in wet, sketchy sydney (at least i'm not stuck at the airport with all my luggage), waiting to see if jeni catches up with hannah or stays in the brisbane airport all night, trying to figure out when to take the $3 shuttle back to the airport in the morning to get the hell out of her. 

oh australia, i'm here. 

tomorrow is a new day

the last four days here on the big island of hawaii have been miserable. not because of what i have been doing or who i've been doing it with, but because of the absolutely horrible weather. i'm not exaggerating when i say that last night i thought our house got struck by lightning. i was awoken by a bright light that was shaking our house. apparently the lightning struck less than a mile away. the other day we were trying to go see a movie and a friend of mine called to say her car died. ya, her car died trying to get to her house through a pool of standing water in the middle of her road. we went to pick her up in my mom's 4-runner and literally water was coming on top of her hood as we basically were driving through a three foot deep puddle. needless to say we almost stalled, twice. 

i've finished packing. i leave tomorrow. i'm just hoping that i can fly out of this place tomorrow. it's crazy to think that i have been waiting so long for tomorrow to come. not only is it the start of a quasi-new life  in australia, i get to see jeni baer as well. 

byron bay here i come...

eggers

It was easy to become a better human. First, I spoke in a monotone. I could not be excited and could not be upset. I was a visitor from elsewhere, Russia maybe, and found everything amusing, interesting, but only slightly and even then, solely from and anthropological standpoint. I was not sullen; I was predictable. I walked at a normal human pace. I rode my bicycle at an optimum speed, a practical speed, without standing up on the pedals, because to do so would imply urgency. At school events I would clap when others would clap but I would not cheer or yell. My phone calls were brief and to the point. I set the receiver down gently; I walked the stairs not quickly, not slowly; I brushed my teeth for fifteen minutes because that was what my dentist, who i admit now was not sane, suggested; I kept my head level because tilting seemed to imply too much interest; I did not pass gas or pick my nose; I washed myself thoroughly in the morning and at night. I thought of the least emotional walk I could engineer, and decided that it required minimal arm movement and long even strides.

you shall know our velocity

adventures in kauai

so yesterday i was on the big island of hawaii, exploring. my mom took noelle, leanne, and me to the volcano. since we were flying out last night to kauai, we didn't really have that much time to explore. after going to the only winery there, testing their variety, we played at a black sand beach ate some crap food, then made our way to the volcano. with time running out, we run to the edge of the cauldron to see this...

then we found the lava tube. unfortunately three japanese tour buses found it as well. attempting to quickly view this tube, we have to pass the japanese tourists. noelle leads the way constantly saying, "on your left", as we leave those touring maniacs in our dust. i'm sure they thought we were crazy, i even heard one girl laugh at us. but hey, we passed them all and walked through the lava tube in record time.




then, today, in kauai, we had the craziest day. we went to this place in wailua state park area that houses irrigation tunnels. they are old tunnels that still have rushing water in them and lead to really cool waterfalls basically in the middle of the mountains. unfortunately we get there after driving on crazy dirt roads that they filmed in jurassic park and we find the water levels are like a foot too shallow. of course we went anyway and we had body boards and we laid on them and held one another's feet. we kept hitting the bottom and it was pitch black in the tunnels for like two minutes. spiders hanging over our heads, tree branches blocking the tunnel, boulders under the body boards. it was crazy. we also kept hitting the sides and scraping our hands. it went forever and finally we get to the end of the first tunnel and we try to climb out and look for the path back to the waterfall we parked at.




well, there was no path where we came out so we had to go through the second tunnel. we really didn't want to go through because we were getting cut up and it was so cold in that water. after searching for any other option than entering the next tunnel, we realise there is no such option, and we head into the dark tunnel. in the middle of this tunnel we see an opening and look for the path. we used our body boards to trail-blaze, but alas, none was found. we are crazy. finally we go through the rest of that tunnel and find the path finally. as we are walking back on the path, we realise that this is where they are hunting boars and we see boar tracks and dog tracks and we have to be quiet so people don't think we are boars. on the path we see a stomach and intestines lying on the ground covered in flies. we were stepping in thick mud, hoping we wouldn't get shot by a boar hunter.





finally, we find our way back, rinse off the mud, hike to the car, travel back down the crazy trail/road, heading towards lihue to go to this place that has saimin, which i don't like at all. it is like top ramen but more ethnic. they have really good teriyaki chicken, though. i basically put all the soy sauce and hot mustard and chili sauce in the broth of the saimin noodles and it wasn't too bad.




then we go to this place kipu falls, jump of the waterfall, watch the tourists, leave, go to kealia beach, swim. get a rice dream ice cream sandwich at the health food store in hanalei. and finally return home after being lost, freezing, hungry, and feeling quite adventurous (probably not unlike survivorman).




good times.
can't wait to see what tomorrow holds.

opera to cry to

i'm serious. this guy made me cry. it is so beautiful.

rainclouds and new things

it's raining. a lot. it almost seems like rain comes when something needs to be cleared away. washed. made new. the past few months i have been struggling...with faith, with love, with today. i almost feel like i have been wrestling God and he hasn't been winning. or maybe it is that he allowed me to win to teach me something. maybe he wants me to think i have figured it out so i can then realise how much i don't know. i have been pushing God out to make room for something else. (my own ideas?) i was just reading something that my friend, bess, had written and knowing that she has been struggling with things as well, she (or God) made it clear to me.




i need to trust him.




how do i do this when i have so many thoughts and ideas that seem right, good, hopeful? i remember being in egypt and having such a hard time dealing with the environment i was in, but realizing that i was God's beloved. he loves me. he absolutely loves me. why have i forgotten this?




needless to say, i need to talk to God more. i need to journal again. flush it out. allow God's love to cover me. not worrying about all the questions i don't have the answers for. i need to be in community. worshiping in community. loving in community.
like the rain that washes oil, dirt, grime from the earth, love, real love. God's love is washing away the lies, the apathy, the hopelessness, and making way for something new.




i bought my ticket for hawaii. one way. i leave december 31st. i'm starting anew. in australia. clean. fresh. covered in Christ's love.

i am obsessed

eddie izzard.

classic.

cake or death.

deconstructing the modern christian faith

how much of what we believe and fight for was taught to us and not quite experience by us? i mean really, how much do i believe that i have actually wrestled with God over? a friend of mine recommended for me to read this book by brian mclaren about faith, doubt, etc. knowing that others have struggled and are struggling with the same things as i am has been really encouraging.

I AM NOT LOSING MY MIND (or my faith for that matter).

for so many years, we have just accepted the way the christian church is. the way it thinks. the way it "worships". not anymore. by deconstructing this faith we hold, we will strip away all the human constructions that have unfortunately taken us away from the truth of love, peace, hope. then we will see truth. jesus. light. we need to ask questions.

like.

why do we focus so much on the "afterlife" and not on our PRESENT life?
is this an excuse to live a mediocre life of love?

instead of using hell as some sort of scare tactic to get people to "become" christians, we should talk about the kingdom. the kingdom of God. anywhere that God reigns. this is eternal life. living in the kingdom. loving others. loving ourselves. loving God.

practicing peace. teaching peace. living. breathing.

breathe in - beloved...
breathe out - i am here.

use me. teach me. here. now.

restoration. deconstruction. inspiration. reconciliation.

ONCE

finally. i saw it. it was rough. raw. real. i loved it.

i was at work yesterday and i saw in the paper that ONCE was only playing until thursday. i was going to go to the movie today by myself, but instead i was able to see it with five dear friends. there was basically a smile on the my face during the whole movie. euphoric. lovely.

watch it.

blood diamond

so i watched blood diamond the other night and i am serious i think it has changed my life. i mean i have always had a heart for africa and the children there who are in constant danger of being kidnapped, killed or raped, but after watching blood diamond i realized that i can't just say i care, i have to do something. but seriously, what can i do? it seems so hopeless. civil wars in africa are as common as celebrity marriages and divorces. they are constant and have been around for as long as...well a long time. i am pretty sure that after i watched the movie (by myself, in my room, on my laptop) i cried for like a half an hour. there are still child soldiers all over africa, especially in uganda. but once again i ask, what can i do? i guess that's why i am going back to school to become a nurse. at least then i can go to these places and at least help in some way. i basically realized, though, that only Jesus coming will save these people. the part in the movie when leonardo's character says that God left africa long ago was really sad to hear. honestly it seems that the only reason africa isn't completely torn to shreds is because of the faith of the few. there is a hope for africa. there is a hope for america, iraq, palestine, you, me. it is Jesus. without him we are lost, alone, hopeless, in despair. he is my hope and my salvation. so please. please. pray for africa. pray for america. pray for iraq. pray for hope. for love. for people. money. resources. time. i don't know what else there is.

seize the day

i really like my friends. i mean, shouldn't i? they are the friends i have chosen. or they've chosen me or whatever. but seriously, they are pretty cool. i realise that there are only going to be a few more months, years that we will be able to hang out the way we have. as it is we are starting to get more and more busy with boyfriends, husbands, kids, jobs, travelling the world, etc. carpe diem. that's what i say. go on bike rides. laugh. watch movies. surf. go in toilet bowl. travel together. soon very soon all this will be near impossible. it's called evolution. friendship evolution. toooo-shay.

also, do as many photo shoots as possible to capture these precious last moments. even if it is in a bathroom lounge.

blessed is this life

o although this last week was hell-like
( i was sick in bed for a week. my car got towed. i watched sound of music with my dad's girlfriend on friday night. i thought i wasn't going to get into the class i need to take this summer for my future as a nurse. i had to pay 300 dollars to get my car out of the junk yard. i couldn't eat full meals because i was coughing and my stupid antibiotics made me nauseous. my friends are either a. married. b. have kids. c. in australia. d. too cool for me. e. not cool enough for me. which meant that i watched a lot of will and grace last week. i watched brokeback mountain because i thought it was going to be good and it literally was about gay cowboys. they weren't kidding.)

BUT
none of this really matters anymore because i am going to hawaii tomorrow. i will bronze. surf. eat shave ice (or watch jer eat shave ice). cruise in the egg we are renting. and of course body womp.
life is good.
it just seems like when it rains it pours... or something.

nevertheless.
i am blessed.

Leave it Behind (ramblings)

so tonight at church we had a guest speaker that talked of forgiveness. forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. it doesn't mean making excuses. forgiving doesn't mean approving of the action or liking the person who hurt you. we aren't called to like people. we are called to LOVE them. it seems easy to say that we forgive someone, but saying it isn't enough. i realized that i may be saying that i forgive so-and-so for something, but do i still mention what they did to me to others? yes, yes i do. so i would say that wasn't leaving it behind. i wasn't, i haven't let go. this is what we are supposed to do when we forgive someone. this is what we want God to do for us. maybe, just maybe, this letting go will free us. free us from pain, from frustration. free us to love. this is what we are called to do. LOVE. FORGIVE.

travelling

so i am now in brisbane. have been for a few weeks. i was able to spend my first orphan christmas in the beautiful queensland, with lovely people. christmas in the summer was a bit different as well.
i have been able to go down to the gold coast and up to the sunny coast, bronzing, bludging. good stuff.
this is at burleigh with carlee and her sister, jodie. we also went up and visited tim and lisa mitchell who i haven't seen since 2002. it was amazing to talk with them and hear about their adventures suf coaching in the maldives.

i have also been able to go rock climbing in brisbane at kangaroo point.
we had a lovely bbq there, too. we celebrated new years at our house in brisbane, complete with a mini tramp and foxtel (every channel ever). let's just say we had our own dance party.

carlee and i dancing the night away. of course, we spent some time in surfers paradise, which is quite the opposite of a paradise if you ask me.
carlee strutting in front of the sign.

so basically, i have been really enjoying australia. most of my time has been spent trying to figure out how i can stay here forever (any help would be appreciated). mostly, though, i have just been smelling the frangipanis (plumerias) which are basically the best thing God ever created. God has been soo good to me in these past six months, and it has been such a blessing to share the things he did in egypt and in my own life as well. he is amazing.

Noelle comes tomorrow. i hope the points will be going off in noosa. i go to new zealand next week. i hope it is warm.

travelling is so good.

hello my dear friends and family. i am sorry that it has been so
> long since i last wrote you. i have been really busy and just
> haven't known what to write. first of all, i have three weeks left
> here in cairo. i am excited, but a bit overwhelmed. there is
> still so much that i want to do here. thanks for all your
> pray.ers, because we have been able to go to the island more than
> once a week (as we were before). we are even able to go without
> the woman we had to go with before. we still aren't going
> everyday, and we really want to.

>
> so a quick recap of the past couple weeks...
> we experienced a death on the island. crazy. women were running
> and screaming. i have never seen anything like it. we were able to
> spend the day of the funeral on the island with the women, and the
> boys in our group were able to go into the church and pra.y for the
> men. (women aren't allowed in the church during funerals). all the
> women wear black gallabayas (housedresses) for a long time after
> the death, so we all wore black and it was really a great time to
> spend with the people of the island. since most of the people in
> the community are related, they all felt the loss.
>
> my birthday was last week. it was really fun, i also got some nice
> gifts as well. another girl in my group had a bday a couple days
> after mine,s o we all went on this boat on the nile and (along with
> the people from our hotel) had a nice buffet dinner and watched
> some interesting cultural dancing. we even got to dance with some m
> girls on the boat as it cruised down the nile.
>
> our english teaching is going really well. the family that allows
> us to use their landn on the island to do teachings and stuff has
> been a part of the teaching as well. not only have we had a
> medical team come and do a clinic twice, but we are also doing
> health care seminars weekly. we have a children's program where we
> are teaching values and showing them they are precious. it has been
> really fruitful. our english teaching is with six girls, and they
> are amazing.
>
> i am really excited that our time is almost done, since i miss the
> ocean so much, but i am going to be really sad when we leave the
> family on the island. they are amazing, and we have really gotten
> to know them well. they don't know english, but we have been able
> to speak love to them. one of the leaders and i have been able to
> cook lunch with them every time we go. the three daughters (they
> also have four sons) cook for us every time, and i have really
> loved cooking with them, learning arabic from them. i know how to
> make so many amazing egyptian foods now, and hopefully i will
> remember so i can cook them at home.
>
> well, three weeks. please pr.ay for us.
> p.ray for:
> -health (most of us have been sick the whole time)
> -unity (with our group and with the woman we go to the island with)
> -more woman to come to the health care seminars (as the people on
> the island don't have a doctor, clinic, or hospital on the island,
> they don't know much about health)
> -that the girls really learn the english we are teaching, and grow
> closer to the father through it
> -that the kids begin to respect one another (especially that the
> christian ones treat the m..lim ones lovingly, and vice versa)
> -that the community gets money together so they can purchase a
> plethora of chairs needed for community meetings (we are helping a
> little, but we want them to get as much as possible, so they have
> ownership of the chairs)
>
> sorry this is so long. thanks for reading. prayi.ing. loving. i
> miss you all.
>
> peace and love, acacia

chicken and escalators...

so two things.
first, i ate chicken. yes, shocking, i know. i had a revelation, i basically knew that i needed to let go of my vegetarianism and embrace the realm of meat-eaters. no, i did not like the first chicken i ate. it has been about twelve years, and i think i need to acquire the love of it again. it was in the midst of a curry sauce, so the chicken flavour was masked a bit. then i ate chicken yesterday for the second time, and it was horrid. dark meat. plain. by itself. not good, not good.
well, for the second thing i need to share, i have five stitches in my big toe. this, on the other hand is not shocking to most who know me. unfortunately i am not the most skilled in staying away from doctors and hospitals, especially in foreign countries. in the city of perth there are tons of escalators. inside, outside, everywhere. i was running up one, this sunday evening, my slipper (sandal) got stuck and my foot scraped from the front, teethy part of the step of the escalator across it, leaving a four inch slice from the tip of my toe to the bal of my foot. i get to the top of the escalator, look down, see a pile of blood, notice it is 5:30 and everything in the city closes at 5:30, so i manage to get some napkins from the juice stand, tie them around my toe, holding it together (sort of), then i hobble down to the nearest chemist (pharmacy) by the train station, get the guy to put a bandage that i had to pay for on my toe as i almost faint from loss of blood. then i somehow manage to get on the 5:45 train to the place i live, make if from the station to the base at the end of dinner. i put the two apple pies i had bought in the oven (i was supposed to be celebrating christmas this night with some friends), then hop into the dining room to eat. i find nothing really, and see my school leader, tell her that i hurt myself really badly, then i start crying. her and another leader find the base nurse, he fixes me up and says i need stitches probably. we go to the hospital, get five stitches, head home and two days later i still feel like crap. such is life.

oh and i just read a great book today for the second time this month. it is called THE FINAL QUEST. really intense. beautiful picture of Christ's love for us. This was also after I finished reading 1984 yesterday, too, quite a different picture of hope and life.

so, i am healing up and eating chicken.
God is good. really, He is.