splendour in the grass

splendour was this past weekend. it's a music festival in byron bay. 

i have never seen so many drunk 18 year olds wearing wayfarers in my life. 

despite the crowds, the cold, the long walk to the field from garrett's, it was really a lovely festival. 

highlights:

delta spirit

band of horses

the polyphonic spree

cold war kids would have been a highlight if it wasn't so crowded that garrett and i actually left to watch band of horses because we couldn't even enjoy watching them. too many annoying drunk youths. 

sigur ros. seriously, go seem them if you haven't already. they were amazing. 

other surprisingly notable acts/moments/things:

wolfmother

vampire weekend

nimbin chai tent

guzman y gomez burritos

byron bay organic donuts (as always)

drinking at the beachie with adam in between festival time. 

randomly running into people we know in the midst of the 20,000 others we didn't know.

watching people (like ellie) scramble to collect cans on the ground to recycle them and get free drink tickets. brilliant idea splendour. brilliant. 

now i'm back at uni. tired, but really pleased with the weekend. 

...i tried to upload a couple videos and post them on youtube so i can put them on here, but i haven't quite been able to convert them. i'll figure it out and post them later...

skidney

so a couple weeks ago garrett and i went for a short vacation to sydney. it was freezing. fun. and a really good taste of city life. being in byron for too long creates this weird longing for tall buildings and concrete (weird, i know). anyway, it was good. we saw things. ate things. experienced things. 

we saw the opera house (of course)

we met garrett's step-brother down there. he is classic. great hair...

we also drank a lot of coffee. 

this was a cool fair trade coffee shop in glebe.

sydney was good, but now i really want to see melbourne. there were pockets of goodness in sydney, but apparently melbourne is full of op shop/coffee shop galore. 

random acts of farming...

both garrett and my housemate, bec, are studying permaculture here in byron bay. 

here's a couple videos. one is a diploma school project...permablitz...the other is a project of garrett's. 

bec is the one being interviewed in the beginning...

i really miss this boy...

and his mom and dad

he's finally big enough to wear the pirate towel thing...

and he's wearing the byron bay kombe shirt.

cowboys and injuns???

so we went to brisbane a week or so ago for a friend's birthday party. it happened to be a fancy dress party. cowboys and indians. how appropriate?

i have come to realize that australia is quite politically incorrect, actually. coon cheese. jap pumpkins. redskin candy. gyp rock. i'm sure there are more. 

anyway, here are some shots...

it was hannah's birthday. she was pocahontas.

then we walked around. 

this was our friend, carlee's, house. it's lovely.

it was really nice to go to the city and get out of small byron for a bit.

next week i start my practical. this means i spend a week wiping oldies

bums and feeding them.

should be interesting. 

8 hr days at a nursing home and not getting paid. livin' the 

good life.

on a high note i bought two things this week that make me 

really happy.

1. black ballet crocs (which i never thought i would own)

2. redback work boots.

oh and i bought tickets to splendour in the grass (i am soooooo excited to see sigur ros)

polyvore

thanks to raya i am now obsessed with this website.  go to it yourself. it is really fun. i love all these things...

haven't i read this before?

i'm reading to kill a mockingbird that my lovely friend, ellie, lent me, but as i read each page, i seem to know what's going to happen. i don't even remember what the book is really about, or what will happen later in the book, but as each scene develops, it seems really familiar. so have i read it before? maybe. 

anyway, i really like this line.

there are some kind of men who - who're so busy worrying about the next world they've never learned to live in this one...

and i still complain...

this is where i live. it's beautiful. but it rains. a lot. 

and i mean flooding. monsoon. there are some days 

that look like this, though. it may be crowded. it may 

be dangerously crowded actually but i love it.

byron bay

it's my home for the next three years. my school is 

only 30-60 minutes inland through amazing green 

pastures. farms. villages. i would hate driving over to 

san jose every day for school, but i really don't mind

this drive (at night it is horrible, though).

school's going well. i'm still getting used to the 

different grading scales and all the other random 

things that are so different than any other school 

setting i've been in. i've met some great people. my 

roommies included in this. i live with three other girls, 

although we haven't really had many days when it is 

only the four of us in our house. we seem to have guests 

at all times, which is great, but a bit tiring. but please, 

if anyone wants to come, please do, and we'll have some 

good times. i live with a girl from san diego who is getting 

her equivalent of a teaching credential at southern cross 

university (where i go). she even lived in santa cruz for a 

bit, too. small world. another girl is from adelaide in south 

australia and she isin the same program that garrett is doing 

(permaculture, farming stuff). the other girl is from cairns, 

which is up near the great barrier reef. she went to this school 

called SAE which is some kind of sound and engineering place.

these are the people actually paying for the house we live in. 

here are some fun people who've been here lately.

besides all the lovely people that come to visit, playing

in the surf, buying lots of chips (french fried), and drinking

lots of ginger beer, i do go to school.

it's good. not too much work, but enough. i work six nights 

a week at a vietnamese/western food restaurant, so i don't 

have much time to hang out. enough time to get some surf in, 

though.

here's a pic of our boards (garrett's, mine, and rachael's).

so basically byron is great. it's been beautiful the last few 

days, although really crowded (it's a long weekend) i am 

really enjoying the sunshine as we slowly approach winter. 

i have felt a bit overwhelmed lately, a bit stressed, but am 

starting to figure it out. i'm poor, i'm busy, but i am having 

a good time. that is really what matters.

tomorrow turned out to be kind of a shitty day

have you ever thought that things just couldn't get any worse? i have and did tonight, today, yesterday, but alas they have gotten worse. each moment really. 

let's recap my day. leave hilo in the pouring rain (all my luggage is wet) and sit next to a crazy hawaiian lady on the way to honolulu who only talked about how her family came from warriors and she would sometimes even stand over her husband at night and stare at him when finally he would wake up and ask her what the hell she was doing and she would just say, "i'm just thinking about how mad i am at you right now". yep, crazy lady. 

then i get to honolulu with all my a million bags and try to get up to departures through these small elevators with my longboard. not very fun or easy. finally i get to air pacific check-in and they tell me that they "took the liberty" of booking me on a honolulu to sydney flight on hawaiian airlines, and then a domestic flight on qantas from syd to brisbane. great, i think to myself, not at least i won't get stuck in christmas island or fiji and i WILL meet jeni and hannah at the airport in brisbane on time. so i get everything checked in (my millions of bags and surfboard that they charge me a total 160 bucks for), and i board the plane ready to just get to australia. 

little did i know the fun was just beginning. after 10 long hours of flying (but i almost finished the book bess), we landed, safely-esque and i noticed rain. lightning. etc. so of course sydney has this law that if lightning strikes 5 km near the airport they can't move the planes. so we sat in the plane, in the lightning for over an hour. by this time i knew i was missing my connecting flight, but i wasn't too worried, i just figured i would get in a little late to brisbane. i go through customs, collect all my bags and meander over to oversize baggage and wait for my boards to come out. which they never do. i waited for a long time, hours it seemed, and nothing. i file my complaint/missing baggage form and finally, finally am getting out of customs and about to hurry over to domestic qantas area and get on the next flight to brisbane. 

so i rush over there and they are closed. literally i can't even get in to talk to someone. i take the elevator up to international airlines to talk to someone from hawaiian and no one is there. apparently sydney sucks and they also have a law that makes them have some curfew at 10 the airport closes. wtf. really. so i start to cry. i'm tired. dirty. emotional. knowing that i can't get ahold of jeni i call hannah's mobile and tell her the good news. i email jeni, no response. for all i know jeni is still a this moment waiting for me at the brisbane airport. horrible. 

i gave in and got a hotel room at this dodgy place near the airport for 147 a night. ridiculous. and i don't even know if i'll get reimbursed for it. oh and i had to buy some 5 buck cable for internet and then purchase internet on top of that. so lame. needless to say, i am stuck in wet, sketchy sydney (at least i'm not stuck at the airport with all my luggage), waiting to see if jeni catches up with hannah or stays in the brisbane airport all night, trying to figure out when to take the $3 shuttle back to the airport in the morning to get the hell out of her. 

oh australia, i'm here. 

tomorrow is a new day

the last four days here on the big island of hawaii have been miserable. not because of what i have been doing or who i've been doing it with, but because of the absolutely horrible weather. i'm not exaggerating when i say that last night i thought our house got struck by lightning. i was awoken by a bright light that was shaking our house. apparently the lightning struck less than a mile away. the other day we were trying to go see a movie and a friend of mine called to say her car died. ya, her car died trying to get to her house through a pool of standing water in the middle of her road. we went to pick her up in my mom's 4-runner and literally water was coming on top of her hood as we basically were driving through a three foot deep puddle. needless to say we almost stalled, twice. 

i've finished packing. i leave tomorrow. i'm just hoping that i can fly out of this place tomorrow. it's crazy to think that i have been waiting so long for tomorrow to come. not only is it the start of a quasi-new life  in australia, i get to see jeni baer as well. 

byron bay here i come...

eggers

It was easy to become a better human. First, I spoke in a monotone. I could not be excited and could not be upset. I was a visitor from elsewhere, Russia maybe, and found everything amusing, interesting, but only slightly and even then, solely from and anthropological standpoint. I was not sullen; I was predictable. I walked at a normal human pace. I rode my bicycle at an optimum speed, a practical speed, without standing up on the pedals, because to do so would imply urgency. At school events I would clap when others would clap but I would not cheer or yell. My phone calls were brief and to the point. I set the receiver down gently; I walked the stairs not quickly, not slowly; I brushed my teeth for fifteen minutes because that was what my dentist, who i admit now was not sane, suggested; I kept my head level because tilting seemed to imply too much interest; I did not pass gas or pick my nose; I washed myself thoroughly in the morning and at night. I thought of the least emotional walk I could engineer, and decided that it required minimal arm movement and long even strides.

you shall know our velocity

adventures in kauai

so yesterday i was on the big island of hawaii, exploring. my mom took noelle, leanne, and me to the volcano. since we were flying out last night to kauai, we didn't really have that much time to explore. after going to the only winery there, testing their variety, we played at a black sand beach ate some crap food, then made our way to the volcano. with time running out, we run to the edge of the cauldron to see this...

then we found the lava tube. unfortunately three japanese tour buses found it as well. attempting to quickly view this tube, we have to pass the japanese tourists. noelle leads the way constantly saying, "on your left", as we leave those touring maniacs in our dust. i'm sure they thought we were crazy, i even heard one girl laugh at us. but hey, we passed them all and walked through the lava tube in record time.




then, today, in kauai, we had the craziest day. we went to this place in wailua state park area that houses irrigation tunnels. they are old tunnels that still have rushing water in them and lead to really cool waterfalls basically in the middle of the mountains. unfortunately we get there after driving on crazy dirt roads that they filmed in jurassic park and we find the water levels are like a foot too shallow. of course we went anyway and we had body boards and we laid on them and held one another's feet. we kept hitting the bottom and it was pitch black in the tunnels for like two minutes. spiders hanging over our heads, tree branches blocking the tunnel, boulders under the body boards. it was crazy. we also kept hitting the sides and scraping our hands. it went forever and finally we get to the end of the first tunnel and we try to climb out and look for the path back to the waterfall we parked at.




well, there was no path where we came out so we had to go through the second tunnel. we really didn't want to go through because we were getting cut up and it was so cold in that water. after searching for any other option than entering the next tunnel, we realise there is no such option, and we head into the dark tunnel. in the middle of this tunnel we see an opening and look for the path. we used our body boards to trail-blaze, but alas, none was found. we are crazy. finally we go through the rest of that tunnel and find the path finally. as we are walking back on the path, we realise that this is where they are hunting boars and we see boar tracks and dog tracks and we have to be quiet so people don't think we are boars. on the path we see a stomach and intestines lying on the ground covered in flies. we were stepping in thick mud, hoping we wouldn't get shot by a boar hunter.





finally, we find our way back, rinse off the mud, hike to the car, travel back down the crazy trail/road, heading towards lihue to go to this place that has saimin, which i don't like at all. it is like top ramen but more ethnic. they have really good teriyaki chicken, though. i basically put all the soy sauce and hot mustard and chili sauce in the broth of the saimin noodles and it wasn't too bad.




then we go to this place kipu falls, jump of the waterfall, watch the tourists, leave, go to kealia beach, swim. get a rice dream ice cream sandwich at the health food store in hanalei. and finally return home after being lost, freezing, hungry, and feeling quite adventurous (probably not unlike survivorman).




good times.
can't wait to see what tomorrow holds.

opera to cry to

i'm serious. this guy made me cry. it is so beautiful.

rainclouds and new things

it's raining. a lot. it almost seems like rain comes when something needs to be cleared away. washed. made new. the past few months i have been struggling...with faith, with love, with today. i almost feel like i have been wrestling God and he hasn't been winning. or maybe it is that he allowed me to win to teach me something. maybe he wants me to think i have figured it out so i can then realise how much i don't know. i have been pushing God out to make room for something else. (my own ideas?) i was just reading something that my friend, bess, had written and knowing that she has been struggling with things as well, she (or God) made it clear to me.




i need to trust him.




how do i do this when i have so many thoughts and ideas that seem right, good, hopeful? i remember being in egypt and having such a hard time dealing with the environment i was in, but realizing that i was God's beloved. he loves me. he absolutely loves me. why have i forgotten this?




needless to say, i need to talk to God more. i need to journal again. flush it out. allow God's love to cover me. not worrying about all the questions i don't have the answers for. i need to be in community. worshiping in community. loving in community.
like the rain that washes oil, dirt, grime from the earth, love, real love. God's love is washing away the lies, the apathy, the hopelessness, and making way for something new.




i bought my ticket for hawaii. one way. i leave december 31st. i'm starting anew. in australia. clean. fresh. covered in Christ's love.

i am obsessed

eddie izzard.

classic.

cake or death.

deconstructing the modern christian faith

how much of what we believe and fight for was taught to us and not quite experience by us? i mean really, how much do i believe that i have actually wrestled with God over? a friend of mine recommended for me to read this book by brian mclaren about faith, doubt, etc. knowing that others have struggled and are struggling with the same things as i am has been really encouraging.

I AM NOT LOSING MY MIND (or my faith for that matter).

for so many years, we have just accepted the way the christian church is. the way it thinks. the way it "worships". not anymore. by deconstructing this faith we hold, we will strip away all the human constructions that have unfortunately taken us away from the truth of love, peace, hope. then we will see truth. jesus. light. we need to ask questions.

like.

why do we focus so much on the "afterlife" and not on our PRESENT life?
is this an excuse to live a mediocre life of love?

instead of using hell as some sort of scare tactic to get people to "become" christians, we should talk about the kingdom. the kingdom of God. anywhere that God reigns. this is eternal life. living in the kingdom. loving others. loving ourselves. loving God.

practicing peace. teaching peace. living. breathing.

breathe in - beloved...
breathe out - i am here.

use me. teach me. here. now.

restoration. deconstruction. inspiration. reconciliation.

ONCE

finally. i saw it. it was rough. raw. real. i loved it.

i was at work yesterday and i saw in the paper that ONCE was only playing until thursday. i was going to go to the movie today by myself, but instead i was able to see it with five dear friends. there was basically a smile on the my face during the whole movie. euphoric. lovely.

watch it.

blood diamond

so i watched blood diamond the other night and i am serious i think it has changed my life. i mean i have always had a heart for africa and the children there who are in constant danger of being kidnapped, killed or raped, but after watching blood diamond i realized that i can't just say i care, i have to do something. but seriously, what can i do? it seems so hopeless. civil wars in africa are as common as celebrity marriages and divorces. they are constant and have been around for as long as...well a long time. i am pretty sure that after i watched the movie (by myself, in my room, on my laptop) i cried for like a half an hour. there are still child soldiers all over africa, especially in uganda. but once again i ask, what can i do? i guess that's why i am going back to school to become a nurse. at least then i can go to these places and at least help in some way. i basically realized, though, that only Jesus coming will save these people. the part in the movie when leonardo's character says that God left africa long ago was really sad to hear. honestly it seems that the only reason africa isn't completely torn to shreds is because of the faith of the few. there is a hope for africa. there is a hope for america, iraq, palestine, you, me. it is Jesus. without him we are lost, alone, hopeless, in despair. he is my hope and my salvation. so please. please. pray for africa. pray for america. pray for iraq. pray for hope. for love. for people. money. resources. time. i don't know what else there is.

seize the day

i really like my friends. i mean, shouldn't i? they are the friends i have chosen. or they've chosen me or whatever. but seriously, they are pretty cool. i realise that there are only going to be a few more months, years that we will be able to hang out the way we have. as it is we are starting to get more and more busy with boyfriends, husbands, kids, jobs, travelling the world, etc. carpe diem. that's what i say. go on bike rides. laugh. watch movies. surf. go in toilet bowl. travel together. soon very soon all this will be near impossible. it's called evolution. friendship evolution. toooo-shay.

also, do as many photo shoots as possible to capture these precious last moments. even if it is in a bathroom lounge.

blessed is this life

o although this last week was hell-like
( i was sick in bed for a week. my car got towed. i watched sound of music with my dad's girlfriend on friday night. i thought i wasn't going to get into the class i need to take this summer for my future as a nurse. i had to pay 300 dollars to get my car out of the junk yard. i couldn't eat full meals because i was coughing and my stupid antibiotics made me nauseous. my friends are either a. married. b. have kids. c. in australia. d. too cool for me. e. not cool enough for me. which meant that i watched a lot of will and grace last week. i watched brokeback mountain because i thought it was going to be good and it literally was about gay cowboys. they weren't kidding.)

BUT
none of this really matters anymore because i am going to hawaii tomorrow. i will bronze. surf. eat shave ice (or watch jer eat shave ice). cruise in the egg we are renting. and of course body womp.
life is good.
it just seems like when it rains it pours... or something.

nevertheless.
i am blessed.